He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
