But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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