I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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