respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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