is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
