Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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