How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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