ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
