i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
