I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and she was petting her beer can
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I am available for nakedness
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
