I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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