I must be too annoying 4 u.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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