is your mom at the bar?
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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