The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
