Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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