guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
