no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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