There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
