It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
