It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
