What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
