I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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