she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
