do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
