New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
