i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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