She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
