smell my finger.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
