he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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