I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
