tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
what day is it and did you see me today?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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