just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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