i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
