Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
