I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
