Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
