im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
