The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
