I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
