I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
