turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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