FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
