I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
