Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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