He disabled his match.com account in front of me
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
