So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
