Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Randomize
