I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
