WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
