Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
