just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
