ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
