i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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