you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
