I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
