Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
