and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
