ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
