The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
