sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
