I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize