ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
