It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
