Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
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