I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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