This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
