My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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