K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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