Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Boobs speak an international language.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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